Scrappleface: EPA to monitor eBay sales of personal carbon emissions

Satire (mostly):

http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/columns/EPA-to-monitor-eBay-sales-of-personal-carbon-emissions-7882682-49117952.html

"Once the carbon dioxide emissions cap is in place," said the EPA official, "then those citizens whose exertions, or sheer immensity, generate outputs above federally-permitted levels, must purchase offsets from less hazardous citizens. Craigslist and eBay provide the ideal platform for this exchange, since most carbon-offset sellers already spend most of their time online."

"This could be a real goldmine for shallow breathers, you know, couch potatoes," the EPA source said. "And for those who over-exert, spewing out earth-threatening gas at an alarming rate, the penalty of paying for these offsets may induce them to reconsider the cost to humanity of all of that breathing."